Aussie Rules Football: Geelong-Collingwood match

A few months ago, when Jared informed us that we would be attending a "footy" match in Melbourne, I didn't know what that meant, though I could have made a bad joke about Aussies flirting under the table. Apparently footy is another Aussie nickname - in this case footy means football, specifically Aussie Rules Football or AFL. (By the way, my checklist of cute Aussie phrases has really grown. Favorites include "brekky" (breakfast) and "bikkie" (biscuit aka cookie))

Jared told us that his friend Paul was going to get us tickets so that we could enjoy this quintessential Victorian (that's from the state of Victoria, not necessarily from the time of the reign of queen Victoria) pastime. It sounded like it would be a cultural experience, but never being much of a sport-lover, I didn't know if I would really be able to get into this so-called footy.

Later, as Paul revealed, Jared had the same thought. "I don't know how excited she'll be about it, but she probably won't bring her knitting," he had said to Paul.

Well, friends, I definitely didn't need my knitting at this event. Aussie rules is a much more fast-paced game than American football (call

ed gridiron here). There's very little stopping for the entire game of 4, 20-minute quarters. The ball is constantly in motion, sailing smoothly from player to player, punted or punched with knuckles. If a kick is caught cleanly, you get to "mark" the ball and essentially take a free kick where the defender cannot pass a certain point to attack you. The object is to kick or push the ball through your opponents goalposts on either end of the field. Getting through the outer goalposts scores you 1 point, the inner goalposts 6. Defenders can tackle you when you have the ball, but instead of everything grinding to a halt when this happens, as in American football, when you are tackled in Aussie rules the goal is to get rid of the ball while you're being crushed by other players. A player goes down in a pile and the ball squirts out like a big yellow egg to be snatched up by another player who keeps the play moving. Simple in its rules, elegant in its execution, AFL is infinitely watchable.

As we climbed to our seats in the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG),I noticed that Aussies from all walks of life attended footy. There were tiny boys and girls with their faces painted, many elderly fans, as well as a large number of mid-twenties people like us. I noticed the girls were dressed smartly, as if they were going out to dinner somewhere nice. Girls who watch football in the 'states are by no means inelegant, but usually a football match calls for more masculine attire than a night out on the town. I wondered what drew them to the games.

As the game started and I watched the players begin to run around, I have to admit there was but one question on my mind. Why are their shorts so tiny? I asked Paul, our resident AFL expert. He had no answer. I looked again- weren't they cold? There could be any number of good explanations for the size of their shorts. Perhaps it was so that they didn't lose them when they were tackled. Perhaps it was difficult to punt successfully in longer shorts. But as I watched further, the game seemed to be full of innuendo. Scoring a point was known as a "behind," the official spanking the goalpost enthusiastically when one was scored. The most frequent word shouted by the crowd was "ball," referring to when a player failed to get rid of the ball when they were tackled. Perhaps this explained why so many women were fans of this full-contact sport.

The match was a nail-biter, but in the end the Geelong (pronounced "Jah-LONG") Cats, reigning champions and our team, failed to scratch out the Collingwood Magpies, the number two team this year. Even though we lost, there was an atmosphere of good fun for all. As we filed out of the stadium, some boys started a kick-the-coke-bottle game which followed us all the way down to the riverside. Australia is always up for a good game.